The foehn wind was blowing this morning. The wind that heralds change.
But there was another reason for my restlessness.
I’ve shut the door. I’m making a journey.
My things, neither really belongings nor possessions since (I hope) I don’t belong to them and they don’t (I hope) possess me, are stacked on a borrowed shelf in a borrowed shed. Some things needed, some potentially useful, and most probably completely unnecessary and awaiting redistribution.
I have no key. Just a passport and a ticket in my hand.
I’m happy. I’m excited. I’m full of hope. I’m full of fear.
I’m utterly terrified.
Life is full of contradictions and contrasts. Beginning, ending. Leaving, arriving. Night, day. Cold, warmth. Snow, sunshine. Joy, sadness. The known, the unknown. The steps we take, and the ones we don’t.
I am hours away from the place that holds my curiosity, my passion, my bewilderment, my wonder; the place where I lost my heart.
I will be stripped bare, my corners scoured smooth again. I will be exposed until I remember again the truth of who I am. I will be taken to the edge until I dance again on that precarious line between strength and vulnerability. I will be ripped to shreds. And I will be filled to the brim with life.
Because this is what it is to live.
I have no script. But I have a smile on my face. And my heart is beating loud accompaniment to a song whose lyrics are being written on a nearly blank page and whose melody is still blowing in that wind.
P.S. and from the 11th November you will be able to follow some of my footsteps on the awesome sky high trails of the Manaslu Mountain Trail as I start to run again and take my first gentle steps back to form after injury. All information can be found on the race website, facebook page and twitter feed!